Twenties is a time of huge change in ones life and it is likely that many will experience itchy or cold feet in some of the decisions that they have made. I have sure experienced both in my twenties and still definitely am now that the decade is nearing its end for me. Lets discuss our intuition and the importance during this time of our lives.
From a young age I have never known what I wanted to do or known myself well enough to make decisions based on what I like and what I enjoy doing. A lot of my life has been going with the flow and seeing what happens and I’m fortunate that it has led me to the life I lead now as it could have been a million times worse. I count myself lucky for that everyday. Not everyone is going to be as lucky as me at 28 but I can definitely empathise with those in other less-fortunate positions. Growing up was hard and when I was allowed to make my own decisions, I definitely made some wrong ones.
It is totally normal to be in a position where you think you may have made a wrong decision but it is NOT okay to stay in a place where you are not safe or happy. Too many times in my life I have been unhappy with something but not strong enough or wise enough to do something about it and I have only now realised that I have to be strong and go after what I want rather than deal with the situation I am in. So many times in my twenties have I had itchy feet for more or cold feet about a situation that I got myself into and regretted it and more often than not, I have decided not to listen to them or been coerced into staying in the situation or doing something that I knew I wouldn’t like. Your body is your guide and you should listen to it.
There are a load of sayings out there that tell you this but why do we never listen? Gut feelings, itchy feet, cold feet, knot in your stomach etc etc. All of these are popular terms to describe when your intuition is kicking in yet we still try and find ways to avoid listening to it. In my relationships I have previously had a gut feeling that they have cheated on me and I would be paranoid, constantly asking them and accusing them even though I didn’t know for sure. My partner would get angry at me and gaslight me into thinking that he had not done anything and that I was crazy (we have all heard this story before) then one night he came home drunk and passed out on the sofa. I took the chance to have a look at his phone and found that he had been messaging other girls and deleting messages. I question myself everyday why I did not listen to my gut…
I am now still in this relationship (kinda) and it is riddled with trust issues. Hey, I never said I was a guru in the issues faced in your twenties – I know what’s right and wrong and don’t want people living the same mistakes I did. I am the queen of giving good advice but not taking it but I am SLOWLY learning which is what this era is about right? I want to give you the truth, whether good, bad or damn right ugly. A lot of things online these days are all positive and there isn’t enough truth and transparency out there to let us girlies know that we are all going through similar issues so if I have to do it then so be it. If I can help at least one person then my job is done.
Anyway, back to the issue being discussed… recently me and my partner booked a weekend away and it was supposed to be spending time together with no alcohol or drugs (which if you’ve read my last post, you will know is a big deal…) but we found out there was a rave happening and we hadn’t been for a long while so decided to go to it instead. Of course, there were drugs and alcohol involved which is fine (I had consumed the week before at another rave without my partner and have NO issues and a good night) but I had noticed him looking at girls which made me crazy. I was in a mood with him all night at the after party, not really interacting with him and even there I swear I saw things that I wasn’t happy with. I decided not to confront him that night but waited until we got home and were sober.
On the monday, we were both in work and I just had a wave of rage come over me and I couldn’t help myself but send the dreaded paragraphs. I was absolutely fuming and went OFF, we all know what it’s like so need for further detail into those but he downright denied everything that I was accusing him of but this is what fucks me up because I start to doubt myself and think it’s the drugs talking when I am so sure what I witnessed. If I was talking to myself as a friend, I would say fuck that listen to your own mind and feelings and I really have started to. I am starting to realise that making yourself a crazy, paranoid, insecure shell of a person is not the way you are meant to live life. I am currently taking a step back from the relationship to focus on myself and I have been much less in my head than I was.
In my twenties I have been quite focused on my relationship and I know that I have chosen to spend time with him rather do other things which I think we are all guilty of in a new relationship, especially if it’s your first serious one which mine was. I also grew up in an environment where it was life or death whether you had a partner or not. From a young age we are taught that we need a partner to be successful whether through watching adults around us or the media pushing this ideal on us etc etc so there is no wonder we struggle to understand how we should love and be loved. A lot of the time young girls (and I’m generalising here from experience with myself and my friends growing up) are focused more on getting into a relationship rather than whether they treat you well or not. It takes a fucking long time to come to a realisation that somebody isn’t right for you once you have loved them and it’s so heartbreaking but I promise you, if you just take one small step back and start shining your light on yourself, you will realise a lot more about you and your relationships.
I really hope that all of your relationships are rainbows and butterflies but in the case that it isn’t, listen to your intuition and you won’t go far wrong. If you do need any support or advice with anything discussed in this post, please email me at [email protected]
Happy navigating guys!
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