Navigating Twenties

I have a huge number of topics that I would like to cover in this blog, so many in fact that I found it difficult to decide which to discuss first. I decided upon the topic of drugs (and alcohol although alcohol will likely have it’s own post) as it is a prevalent issue with young adults so I thought it was fitting.

My own abuse

I started experimenting with drugs when I was around 14. In the UK, I would say this was quite normal for at least some 14 year olds to try some sort of drug. I had tried weed first and them moved on to harder drugs at the age of 16+. I am only now (at the ripe old age of 28!) understanding the damage that this has caused in my life and my relationships and I have gone from weekly use (3 days out of 7 every week) to less than once a month.

At one point in my early twenties, I doubted that I would ever see myself living any other lifestyle. The cocaine was what was most important to me and as long as I had that to look forward to on a Friday afternoon, nothing else mattered. I lied to family and friends and would turn down plans as I would know that I would either be still on it or recovering from the sesh the night(s) before.

The thing is, when I was in this cycle, I thought I was having the time of my life. When I first started using I would be going out to pubs and then back to somebody’s kitchen, then the living room sitting there for hours and days listening to youtube, chatting shit and wondering when the next bag was going to arrive. It was fun at the time, we laughed loads and had great conversations but the money and the brain cells that must have been lost during this time is endless.

When I look back now that I have experienced more life and more real fun, I can never understand how I was ok with that life. I sat down in the office 5 days a week then sat on someones sofa for the other 2. I don’t care what anyone says that IS NOT the life to live or the ‘fun’ that anyone should be having.

Even if I feel like an old woman saying this, I don’t care but now that I have experienced sober life and enjoying activities and the small things in life, I never want to go back to that lifestyle, ever. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy a night out but it now takes me over a week to recover so that is a very rare occurrence these days. All I would say to my younger self is that drugs are not everything. PLEASE try and cut down and spend time with the people who want to spend time with you.

Losing friends and missing family

Over the years, I have lost a lot of friends due to my drug use as I have made ridiculous decisions (more on this in the alcohol post as it was when I was just drinking that I made the worst decisions), pushed them aside and made plans to bail on them or not even made plans with them at all. My relationships with family also suffered due to the same and I feel so ashamed looking back as they mean the world to me and I made them feel like they were nothing.

Friends come and go of course but it is important to ensure that you are not losing them to your own actions or mistakes. If you feel that this is the case then it is your sign to slow down and change your actions for the better. This not something I understood, I would keep making the same mistakes even though the guilt and the pain would cripple me. Why do we continue to do something when it is not only hurting our loved ones but ourselves? Everybody does it and there is no clear answer but we all need to be more self-aware and able to change otherwise the world will keep on being a shitty place. We have the ability to change it, we just need to have the courage and want to do so which is something that I never had…

So how do I ‘change’?

Well firstly you have to really want it. I have been saying for years that we (me and my boyfriend) should cut down but we never could. The only way that we managed to cut down was through a relationship breakdown due to some stupid shit that he had done or not done as it seems..

We were so fucked in one of our benders that I really thought that he couldn’t wait to check his phone and that there was someone outside waiting for him to walk to the shop with (it’s making me feel sick typing this but I really need to share this with you so that you can understand what it can do to you). I 100% believed that he was cheating on me even though I went through pretty much everything on his phone and found absolutely nothing. We had a huge argument where things were thrown and I was going out of my fucking mind because I didn’t know what was truth and what wasn’t.. it really fucked me up for days.

The next day he decided to move out to his mums for a few weeks and get sober. I had told him that I wouldn’t trust him when he’d had a drink but would sober so he took it upon himself to prove to me that he would never do anything like that and that he never wants either of us to be put in that position ever again as we both felt like we were going crazy.

Even after our huge bust up and our mental health being ruined, I still wanted to get on it that following weekend (I know I’m stupid, don’t even!) and he was the one to say no and stop m from doing it which I am forever grateful for. During that time we had quite a few weeks off taking anything and this is when we started to realise that there was more to life. So if you were looking for an easy answer to the question of how to give up, I’m sorry but for most it’s just not that easy.

To be honest, if I didn’t have my partner I don’t know if I would have ever stopped and vice versa. I have helped him control his urges and he has helped me with mine. With this in mind, I would say that it is much easier to have a pact with someone if you want to change. It would be easier to have someone you are close to but you can also find support through other ways such as NA meetings, the sober app ‘I am Sober’ – there is a whole community out there that are going through the same thing as you. You can track your progress, interact with others within the community and even track money saved. This has helped me stay on track as I like to try and keep my sober streak.

Another thing that has also helped me stay sober is the book ‘The Sober Girl Society Handbook’. I found Millie when scrolling on TikTok one day and she was promoting her book. I liked the sound of it so ordered it and absolutely loved it. It is going to get read again soon as I feel like I could appreciate it more now. 100% recommend. Find it here – The Sober Girl Society Handbook.

So what should I takeaway from this?

At the end of the day, I am not a guru and I am not here to force you to do (or not do) anything. All I am asking is that you have more of an open mind when it comes to well everything in your life but due to what we have discussed today, drugs. It is very easy with addiction or almost-addiction to have a one track mind which allows you to only see and plan for when you are going to get on it next, how fun it’s going to be etc etc. and your mind will not let you think that anything else is fun or worth doing. But this is bullshit.

If you are enjoying yourself then fine, you do you but if there ever is a time when you start to struggle then please listen to your body. What happened to me (in this blog, plenty more has happened which I will get round to explaining at some point!) was a result of years and years of drug abuse. So much paranoia had set it that it turned me crazy. Please PLEASE do not be like me and listen to the early signs that it is no longer serving you.

Do you have any further advice?

Yes. I have already provided some insights on what to do if you are sober-curious but I do have some other pieces of advice that can help you when you feel a bit lost or like the drugs are taking over..

1. Write a journal. This doesn’t have to be an everyday thing but really get your thoughts down when you need to. The best thing you could do to remind yourself how shit a comedown is is to write a journal when you’re experiencing one. Then when you have the urge to get on it, read it.
2. Remind yourself of the comedown. This links into the last one but I have found it really useful over the last few weeks. When you have yourself a drink and feel like you’d like a livener, remind yourself that you do not want the comedown.
3. Find new hobbies to try. This is one of my other posts in the making but I want to try everything now. I like golfing, reading, DIY-ing, travelling, knitting, trying new activities, watersports, eating etc etc. There is SO much that I want to try now and be good at that I don’t even focus on the drink anymore. I used to be bored on a friday night and this was a huge part of why I would drink but not anymore. I am out doing instead of in being bored now. My best advice would be to book things for when you would be struggling so a saturday morning for example. If you’re like me you will turn up from the sesh a few times but after a while you will see how shit it is to do things when you’re fucked from the night before and want to try and be sober for it. Once you do, you will never want to turn up to anything hungover again.
4. Do not put yourself in situations where you are uncomfortable. I have done this so many times where I do not know people around me so I drink to feel less anxious etc etc but this is NOT ok. Set boundaries with others. If you can handle being somewhere without a drink for an hour but struggle after that then make plans to leave after that hour or whatever works for you. People who respect you will respect your boundaries. This journey is difficult enough without peer pressure so I am sorry but those who aren’t helping need to GO. At least until you can handle yourself a bit better.
5. Let people know what you are doing. This is also hard as people may expect you to be a certain way but again, this is YOUR change not theirs to make. If they aren’t happy, it’s not your problem. Make sure they know that you aren’t seshing and why (if you’re comfortable with it) to avoid awkward conversations later on.
6. Do what makes YOU happy. No matter who may be offended by your choices, as long as they are better for you then continue doing them. Your health, bank account and happiness are going to be grateful that you stuck to your guns.

At the end of the day this is just a summary of my relationship with drugs throughout my twenties. Please know that there are many other things that I have not disclosed in this blog, not because I don’t want to but because it would be a novel otherwise.

Please know that you are never ever alone in what you think, do or experience. If there is anything you would like to heat more about then please contact me at [email protected] and I will post something relevant to your question where possible.

Happy navigating all x