Navigating Twenties

Positive body image has always been a struggle throughout my Twenties and it has only increased with the eruption of social media. As a 28 year old, I have been lucky enough to live some of my life without beauty standards being enforced through fake social media posts and making people of all ages feel like shit. Growing up we had MSN and Bebo which was the highlight (imo) of social media as it was about having fun with your mates rather than trying to prove that you live the best life of anyone out there. Social media is now one of the worst triggers for those suffering from negative body image which is stupid because it is FAKE but not everyone remembers this and it can really impact someones wellbeing.

Social media is a fucking farce

I absolutely hate the way social media has evolved into this fake storybook of people exaggerating their lifestyles, their bodies, their journeys, their relationships and whatever else they have. It is (mostly) all for show or attention and those who have less or aren’t as pretty or skinny as another person on social media, feel like they are less of a person for it.

I can vouch for this completely. I have been off facebook for a while now as I had just moved into my own home which was the most exciting achievement of my life yet I was putting myself down and comparing myself to what others had which made me sad about what I had. I thankfully recognised that this was not normal and got rid of everything which I would highly suggest for those affected negatively by it. Since then, I have been absolutely grateful for everything I have. No, I don’t have the biggest or most done up house ever but THAT IS OK. It’s mine and I love it.

This is a classic example of how comparing yourself to others can have a huge effect on your mental health and what millions of girls -and boys- do across the world every day. But you have to remember that it is fake. People will only post what looks good to them and others and won’t post when they have just got out of the shower with no make up, no fake tan or eyelashes, hair a mess and scruffy old pyjamas on. Their posts are carefully curated and edited to make them look the best and fine – if that’s what you want to do then that’s fine but I am talking to the girls that see these posts and think “why can’t I look like that?”. Because neither do they in real life, that’s why. Ok, people do look good in real life but they aren’t constantly smiling or pulling that pose like in their pictures. They are real people with real emotions and real struggles just like us and they are definitely not immune to cellulite, spots and their own insecurities. But these are the things we don’t see and therefore can’t relate to, making us feel that we aren’t ‘perfect’ like them. But news check for you.. looking a certain way does not make you a good character or wanted or liked. People WILL love you for you & I can vouch for this 100%…

What if I’m not a nice person inside or out?

But you are. People who are going to love you will see the good in you. I have been a moody, horrible, selfish cunt over the years but my partner has stood by me and made me feel better about the mistakes I’ve made. He’s never once held it against me (probably because I do also realise that I’m wrong and apologise) even after our shouting matches or my nasty episodes. I’ve always been told that I was something other than nice so I already thought that I was pure cunt through and through but this person came into my life and made me realise that I am good and I am now the best version of myself that I have ever been.

I’m not saying to be a cunt and someone will love you, what I’m saying is no matter who you are, as long as you try in someway to be a better person, you will be loved. My way was just simply trying to understand how I wrong and owning up to my mistakes.

Even now, since I have grown into the person that I am now, I am always trying to better myself through motivating quotes or how to-s, ways of being organised and adopting time management methods that help me get things done to taking on hobbies such as learning the piano or going to the gym etc. (I will be doing another blog post on this so keep your eyes peeled for tips!). Imo, people should never stay the same, you can always be better so find things you enjoy and get to it!! If you’re loving your life and appreciating the little things, how can someone not choose to love a person like that?!

So what can I do to start loving myself?

1. Move your body. I have been going to the gym on and off for a few years but have only recently been trying to go most days as I feel amazing when I do. I like myself and my brain likes me. A tip if you aren’t motivated – say you’re going to do the minimal like a 5 minute walk or whatever suits you & I can guarantee that once you are there, you will say fuck it lets do a full session and if not, still great – at least you moved today! The more you go to the gym or get your exercise in, the better you are going to get at just doing it. Overthinking is a complete motivation killer so just do it (not sponsored by Nike).
2. Eat healthily. I am saying this now in the New Year when everyone is on a diet but it’s the perfect time to preach this as those who have just celebrated Christmas or had a break likely have eaten and drank too much and feel disgusting and bloated for it. Over the Christmas period, I shoveled everything in and I don’t think I was ever not full but that’s ok, the age old excuse of ‘it’s christmas’ is allowed but now that we are into 2024 get some healthy food in you. Even if it’s just a meal with some veggies or some fruit, whatever you can manage.
3. Be wary of social media. If you can’t come off it then allow yourself breaks and if there are people who make you feel worse than others, block them and DO NOT feel bad for it. I had to unfollow people who I actually liked but they had had work done (not blaming them at all, if I was able to I would too) and I was comparing myself to them which was causing negative thinking about my body and my relationship etc etc. It might seem shallow to block someone because of this but honestly, if it is not working for you then something needs to be done about it.
4. Do things. In 2023, I would sit on the sofa on my weekends and in the evenings which would cause me to eat out of boredom which then led to feeling sluggish and get back into the same cycle over and over again. I neglected relationships because I didn’t want to go out which has made me feel lonely and now I need to rebuild them which is hard at 28 years of age. I am determined though to not allow that to happen in 2024, I want a full calendar because there is nothing that makes you feel better about yourself than having interactions that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Remember, you won’t get these being sat on the sofa!!
5. Throw the fucking clothes out. You know the ones. The ones that you have been holding onto in case you lose weight. NEWSFLASH – they are holding you onto this image of yourself that might not be realistic to you anymore. Yes – I do have some items that I really don’t want to get rid of (jeans that my nan gave me) but these are stored away, out of sight & out of mind so that they are not a constant reminder of how I used to be. I have been on a decluttering hype since the end of 2023 to allow more positive energy into my home and my life and starting with your wardrobe is great if that’s something you’re looking to do also.
6. Practice gratitude. Write down everyday things that you are grateful for and also things that you like about yourself. I know what you are going to say – ‘there isn’t anything I like’ – that’s a lie. What about the way you treat other people or animals, or the cute way your natural teeth look? What about how you dress or how your toenails are always painted? And how you see the world & all it’s positivity or the time that you returned something that wasn’t yours? There are a million and one things to like about yourself, you just need to open your eyes and allow yourself to see them (failing this, ask a friend or a family member what they like about you and write this down instead). Practice this everyday until it becomes second nature.

If you do those things listed here, you will be on your way to loving yourself & your whole outlook on life will improve. Happy navigating this aspect of your life!