Navigating Twenties

It’s not me, I swear…

I have always been the type of person that needs to be challenged (somewhat) in their jobs and kept busy. I also need to like my job or at least find some parts (again, somewhat) exciting or at least interesting. This is mainly the reason why I am a job-hopper.

I can work comfortably in a job for maybe year to a year and a half but I then start to get bored and need more. This is currently the situation I find myself in. This aswell as other issues have made me so demotivated and uninterested in my work and have me actually dreading it so much that I have had to take a couple of days off sick.

I hate it when I get to this point because how I am acting is NOT a representation of me as a worker. I am hardworking and innovative and engaged and honest but now, I am the opposite.

If there is one thing about me is that I try, I try hard in everything that I do and I want to be the best at whatever it is that I put my hand to and this may well be another factor of why, when I am in this situation, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I become depressed and really hard on myself asking WHY AM I LIKE THIS? I always look at those who have been in a job for 20 years and wonder how because this couldn’t be me. Is there something wrong with me or am I right to think the way I do?

I start gaslighting myself into thinking that there is nothing wrong with my job and that I am being silly but then I also cannot shake the fact that I am not putting this on, this is how I feel and that is ok. Not everything that you try your hand at is going to work for you (and don’t I know that!!) but it is important that you pick yourself up and focus on the future rather than drowning in the now.

Help then.. please?

A few hours ago, I was in bed, withdrawn and with no intention of leaving it whatsoever. Try and ask me what changed my mind and I will not know what to tell you but I know that I DRAGGED myself out of that bed. I was absolutely so tired and stood by the side of my bed for a while arguing with myself about whether to get up or get back into bed. The bed very nearly won the fight but I fought against it.

I said to myself that if I was able to get up and shower then I would feel better about myself and my life & it actually worked. I even went as far as shaving as I wanted to do everything that I could to feel myself and worthy again.

Getting out of the shower, I slapped on some skincare and said to myself, if I tan then I can reward myself (I tan most days as I have vitiligo and am very pale in some parts & it helps me feel more me). I knew that I had leftover pasta from last night which I could make cheesy pasta with (IYKYK) & I tanned, chucked some comfy clothes on and went had my pasta.

After pulling myself out of the slump, I wanted to share my story and some tips on how to feel better after a depression episode. My advice will not always work- or work for you – and it will always be a struggle but you will reap the rewards if you follow my direction:

1. Sleep. As long as you can and when you can but only when you’re tired and needing it. What is not acceptable is laying in your bed all day on TikTok which is exactly what I was doing before I peeled myself away. Try and have a break from it and get up
2. Get up and about. I am not asking you to do a marathon or to deep clean every inch of your house here. I am simply asking you to get up and get a glass of water, some food or just to move to the sofa. A change of scenery will make you feel a million times better. Trust me.
3. Shower and brush your teeth. This one will be difficult for some so only do it if you CAN. You should be aiming for the minimum here & build it up if you are able. Before getting in to the shower or starting to brush your teeth, remind yourself that you are only going to stand under the water or brush your teeth for 30 seconds. Then once you start, try and extend that to 60 seconds and then again to reach your 2 minutes or washing with shower gel and shaving like I did or washing your hair. It will freshen you up no end. DO NOT overwhelm yourself though, do not aim for something unattainable but shoot high enough that you push yourself as far as you can.
4. Get dressed. Do not even attempt to put jeans on. Leggings, t-shirt, hoodie, THAT’S IT. End of discussion.
5. Reward yourself. Make sure that you have something nice to eat or drink or something good to watch on the TV or whatever you are into that you can use as a reward after or in-between these steps. If you have pushed yourself too far for the meantime, have a reward but you need to get up after and finish off what you started. You can then reward yourself again at the end. I would put a disclaimer here that alcohol and drugs DO NOT count as a reward here. You need something that is going to lift you up not drag you down even further.
6. Don’t speak to anyone that day if you don’t want to. Of course, speaking to someone about your issues does usually help but I find it overwhelming to answer calls and texts from people when I am depressed & this is nothing to be ashamed of. Just make the person contacting you aware that you are ok and just need some space so they don’t worry about you.
7. Forget other priorities. Forget work, chores and other priorities for as long as you need to to feel ok again. Overwhelming yourself with a huge to-do list and packed calendar is not going to help anyone. By emptying your calendar and having a/some you day(s), I can guarantee you will feel a lot better than if you powered through.
8. Journal. Journaling helps, a lot. Whether it physical or digital, get your thoughts down. This will not only mean that you can express yourself but you can also keep track of your mood if you ever need to talk to a medical professional. It is also handy when feeling down to look back at your past year’s journaling to see how far you’ve come. Start now.

This list is what works for me but it may well not be suitable to you. Adapt this list to how you see it working for you and you will feel better in no time. Remember, some effort is a million times better than no effort so just work on putting in a little more effort everyday until you are back up and running.

Hope this helps some of you & more than welcome to receive any feedback at [email protected].